Embracing the journey through its ups and downs.
Stepping into motherhood for the first time is something that no one can prepare you for. No matter how many books or blogs you study, your experience will always be different and will be an enormous shock to you. Many of my friends who have recently had a baby always come to me and say, “I never knew it would be this hard.” And it is just that the first few weeks are blissfully difficult, an emotional rollercoaster. One moment you have a baby wrapped around you while you are doing the laundry thinking “oh yeah, I got this!” then the next moment you have a full-blown breakdown because your baby is fighting sleep or because you just spilt some freshly pumped breast milk (seriously whoever said “don’t cry over spilt milk” obviously has never pumped!).
I too was welcomed into motherhood completely blindsided. The first few days are a bit of a blur. You still have the endorphins from labour and are running on adrenaline. I was that new mom who was doing it all, from doing the laundry to answering emails (I didn’t take any maternity leave, crazy I know, and I would NOT recommend this) and making sure the house was clean. I burnt the candle at both ends. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I was not in a state to be doing added chores, but I did. Why? Because I felt the pressure of being able to do it all. It could have been my ego, but I also feel that society puts so much pressure on us women to do it all.
“It takes a village to raise a child”
-African Proverb
Many cultures cultivated raising their children through the means of not just the mother but the surrounding people of the village, a communal undertaking to care for the child. When you truly think of ancient cultures, this was a common factor amongst many tribes. However, this current-day “village” has been dissolved to where most of the responsibility is left to the immediate family.
I felt the isolation of doing it completely on my own. We were living in Sydney, with no extended family and despite having an amazing group of friends, they weren’t exactly there to support us on our new journey as parents. None of them had children of their own, so I cannot blame them as I feel you truly don’t know what someone else needs in the first few weeks and months until you have been in the same position yourself. So, there it was, my husband and I doing it all alone. I loved knowing that we survived the first year and raised a beautiful little boy without the help of anyone else-we truly nourished our family unit as just the three of us. However, we were both left feeling exhausted.
Motherhood is a Grind!
IT’S MORE THAN OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP, FIND YOUR VILLAGE
In hindsight, I wish I would have asked my friends for help. We need the additional support during these tender times, to know that we are not alone and that we have the support if need be. So, to all the expecting mamas and new mamas, it’s okay to reach out. Don’t be afraid to ask family, friends and neighbours to rally behind you.
Aside from establishing your village, the most important thing you can do for you is to be kind to yourself during this new transition. There are so many ups and downs, especially being a first-time mother. It’s f***ing HARD! It’s a steep learning curve and every day will be different, so be patient with yourself and your baby- you are both getting to know each other. It is easy to get overwhelmed with what to do, especially with all the information we have access to but try to simplify things by going back to the basics, listening to your intuition, trusting your gut and of course, having a couple of your nearest and dearest friends who are mothers on speed dial-they will be your saving graces during this time.
